Saturday Night Music Club #53: Blue Christmas

We are back with a new edition of Saturday Night Music Club! The SNMC started up as an idea I had years ago - to recapture the feeling of being a kid and getting together with your friends in the basement to listen and discuss music.

This meeting of SNMC will dig into the chillier parts of the yuletide season. We're looking for themes of introspection and isolation. Tunes that name check Mari Lwyd, La Befana, and Krampus, solstice and Saturnalia, and the folkloric foundations of the American holiday tradition. Songs that lament commercialism and the sorry state of humanity, but still hold on to hope for a better world.

Song banned for everyone: “Wonderful Christmastime” in all formats. Seriously. Don’t even think about it.

A track from each record (when available) is collected in an ongoing SNMC Spotify playlist at the bottom of this post. So please listen in and enjoy these blue holiday tunes along with us.

The SNMC began with a Christmas-themed trivia contest. Here are a few of the 22 questions that were presented by the Yule Log of Wisdom:

Q: This cosmic 80s sci-fi romp featuring two teenage girls navigating a post-apocalyptic wasteland during the Christmas season was a tremendous influence on the creation of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

A: Night of the Comet

Q: Before his 19th-century transformation into the fat man in red we all know today, Santa Claus was St. Nicholas, an early Christian bishop who, according to legend, was born in southern Turkey. The name of the region where he was born shares its name with this Tempe, AZ darkwave band. What is the name of the band?

A: Lycia 

Q: The soundtrack to this classic Christmas special features vocals from the children’s choir of St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in San Rafael, CA. 

A: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Q: This beloved fast food chain has become a go-to for Christmas eve dinner in Japan. 

A: KFC

Trivia Winner: Kevin emerged victorious in this close race. His trophy is currently being whittled from a moderately-sized piece of festive driftwood. With shipping delays, arrival of said display of victory will most likely arrive by Christmas (2024). Thank you for your patience Kevin.

BRET HELM
Audra | Life on this Planet

01. Which song did you play for the group that represented all the misplaced joy and dashed hopes of the holiday season?

"Christmas Makes Me Cry" from the modern holiday classic, A Very Kacey Christmas. We have many holiday standards that have been around for generations. This one will forever be played every year. This verse really tears me up - especially the final line: "Seems like everybody else is having fun / I wonder if I'm the only one who's broken heart still has broken parts just wrapped in pretty paper / And it's always sad seeing mom and dad getting a little grayer."

02. Describe your song in one sad sentence.

A sadly beautiful reflection on the holidays and the passing of time in three quarter time.

03. The second round had a lot more holiday cheer, though still there was a tangible feeling of loneliness and isolation. Tell us about your second pick.

Great for any holiday / festive occasion, I chose to give King Diamond a second appearance in the SNMC with "No Presents for Christmas." Don't let the cheery opening melodic romp fool you, The King means business - and that business is worse than a lump of black coal in your stocking. It's Tom and Jerry smugly drinking sherry while you enjoy the contents of an empty stocking.

04. Frosty the snowman, your magical holiday pal, is now melting into a giant puddle before your very eyes. His death throes fill the night sky and bring a profound sense of loss to your heart. What does it all mean? You stare into his cold, coal eyes and he sees right through you, bitter and jealous as he gasps his last breaths. But, being a good friend, you try to comfort him in his time of death. What song from the group do you play for Frosty as he shuffles off this mortal coil?

I'm torn on this one. Does Frosty require a mellow, introspective dirge-y send-off, or something more on the upbeat fun side to celebrate all of the joy that he brought in his short time here on Earth? Since none of the tracks featured a sad lute solo, I'm gonna play SarahQ's second pick - Dragonette's "Merry Xmas (Says Your Text Message)" - imagining Frosty as the savvy, digital age protagonist melting back to Mother Earth. The curtain drops on a lone snowman hand in a large puddle of water, middle finger proudly extended. Cue lute solo.

SARAH QUARRIE
Life on this Planet | Instagram

01. Which song did you play for the group that represented all the misplaced joy and dashed hopes of the holiday season?

Ivoux "The White Witch" from the album Frozen: A Suite of Winter Songs released in 1997. This is a chilly little side-project concept album by the band Battery, a staple in the female-fronted electro-industrial scene of the late 90's. Their German-by-way-of-Oakland label COP Int'l produced a series of badass comps featuring female vocalists called Diva X Machina I just couldn't get enough of. As Ivoux, they released only one album and what a glacial gem it is for when you're in the mood to shiver to some frosty ethereal synth-pop trip-hop. Frozen is a collection of songs inspired by female characters of mythical stories and fairy tales from the world at large, all affected by a bone-chilling wintry event. "The White Witch" is constructed around C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and is an ode to Aslan, the Lion & King of Narnia, to thaw the arctic blast Jadis, the White Witch, cast upon Narnia known as the Long Winter. As if it wasn't bad enough that the dark arts enchanted snow, sadness & suffering across the land, Father Christmas was totally banned. "It is winter in Narnia, and has been for ever so long…. always winter, but never Christmas."  Depressing!

02. Describe your song in one sad sentence.

The sleigh bells ringing are not Santa Claus coming to town, you won't see him for another 100 years. Dismally looking out at the endless snow falling on the barren land, in a trance-like state you light your best Fresh Balsam 3-wick candle and wistfully resound a bleak and dispirited plea to a magical creature to beseech the ice melting.

03. The second round had a lot more holiday cheer, though still there was a tangible feeling of loneliness and isolation. Tell us about your second pick.

Disappointment is the gift that keeps on giving, and Dragonette's "Merry Xmas (Says Your Text Message)" finally tells off that person you regret you knew. You know, that thoughtless selfish person who ghosted you but then feels compelled to pop in to remind you they exist? If gaslighting is not on your Christmas list, this is a song for you. Released as a digital single in 2012 and co-written by William Orbit (hello Madonna's Ray of Light), this anthem has all the Christmas sass and enough F-bombs to remind you self-respect is all you should want for Christmas every year.

04. Frosty the snowman, your magical holiday pal, is now melting into a giant puddle before your very eyes. His death throes fill the night sky and bring a profound sense of loss to your heart. What does it all mean? You stare into his cold, coal eyes and he sees right through you, bitter and jealous of your existence as he gasps his last breaths. But, being a good friend, you know you have to try to comfort him in his time of death. What song from the group's picks do you play for Frosty as he shuffles off this mortal coil?

"Things fall apart but they never leave my heart", Frank's pick from the dearly departed Cristina, which would be accompanied by an awkward funky interpretive dance much like the orange shirt kid at the Charlie Brown Christmas dance.  Then just like the song I'd catch a cab back to my flat, weep a bit and feed the cat. Pretty sure Cristina is my Christmas spirit animal.  RIP Frosty, thanks for leaving your magic hat to me in your will. Thumpity thump thump.

SARAH CELENTANO
Brooklyn, NY

01. Which song did you play for the group that represented all the misplaced joy and dashed hopes of the holiday season?

For this oh-so-cheerful edition of music club, I chose "A Ghost Story for Christmas" from the 2018 album Ghost Stories for Christmas by Aidan Moffat (Arab Strap) and RM Hubbert (El Hombre Trajeado). This album is an ideal accompaniment for the existential crises that can intensify around the holidays—the moment when the party's over, everyone's gone home, and you're left to dwell on relationships past and your own mortality. Aidan Moffat's reading of Hans Christian Andersen's "The Fir-Tree" is particularly distressing.

02. Describe your song in one sad sentence.

Two former lovers separately experience the sucking emptiness that comes from performing merriment when you're profoundly alone. The angels might be singing, but you won't hear them on your own. Maybe that's a bummer, but this focus on love over the more tangible parts of the holiday gets to what "the true meaning of Christmas" is, right?

03. The second round had a lot more holiday cheer, though still there was a tangible feeling of loneliness and isolation. Tell us about your second pick.

My round 2 choice was "Christmas Wrapping," recorded in 1981 by Ohio new wave band The Waitresses (which included former Television drummer Billy Ficca). The upbeat, festive tone of the song initially seems out of joint with the lyrics: a lonely NYC single loves Christmas, but she's just too exhausted to feel like celebrating (she's had a few frustrating missed-connection moments with a guy). But just when she decides to turn down all party invites and stay home, a last-minute cranberry run at the A&P (RIP as of 2015) puts her face to face with the missed connections guy! A classic heartwarming holiday twist ending.  

04. Frosty the snowman, your magical holiday pal, is now melting into a giant puddle before your very eyes. His death throes fill the night sky and bring a profound sense of loss to your heart. What does it all mean? You stare into his cold, coal eyes and he sees right through you, bitter and jealous as he gasps his last breaths. But, being a good friend, you try to comfort him in his time of death. What song from the group do you play for Frosty as he shuffles off this mortal coil?

I'd comfort Frosty with Ivoux's "The White Witch," presented by Sarah Q, hoping that the vision of an endless winter would provide some solace to Frosty as he slowly liquified and returned to the earth.

FRANK DESERTO
Brooklyn, NY | The Harrow, Systems of Romance, Post-Punk.com

01. Which song did you play for the group that represented all the misplaced joy and dashed hopes of the holiday season?

My choice was Cristina's "Things Fall Apart," from 1981. It's been my favorite Christmas song for ages, both from a musical and a lyrical point of view. It's also coincidentally Robert Smith's favorite Christmas tune, last I checked. The track is equally campy as it is bleak, but really, it just rips... The Don Was production, the razor-sharp guitar lines, the throbbing bass. and most importantly, Cristina's cool-as-ice vocal delivery; half disco kitten, half disenfranchised punk... All around, it's a masterpiece. Cristina was one of the first figures I knew to succumb to COVID in March 2020, so much love to her and her family. Play this one LOUD next time you're in need of some holiday "cheer." 

02. Describe your song in one sad sentence.

It's the early 80s, you're living in squalor in the Lower East Side, barely scraping money together for rent and food (though your cat still eats like royalty), and while everyone around you is snorting, drinking, and spending themselves into oblivion, you are completely numb - instead of rising up to fight your depression and revel in the joy of mankind, you sink into complete despair, but not before being one gratifying moment of pure holiday pleasure, but even that is ephemeral... 

03. The second round had a lot more holiday cheer, though still there was a tangible feeling of loneliness and isolation. Tell us about your second pick.

My second choice was Norma Loy's extremely bleak, piano-driven track simply titled "Christmas." This track recalls a lot of the more experimental/spoken-word Bauhaus tracks in style and sound, with it's repetitive, heavy-handed melody and half-spoken, half-sung refrains that build into a frenzy. Good times, great coldies. (This song was not available on Spotify. Please listen here.)

04. Frosty the snowman, your magical holiday pal, is now melting into a giant puddle before your very eyes. His death throes fill the night sky and bring a profound sense of loss to your heart. What does it all mean? You stare into his cold, coal eyes and he sees right through you, bitter and jealous of your existence as he gasps his last breaths. But, being a good friend, you know you have to try to comfort him in his time of death. What song from the group's picks do you play for Frosty as he shuffles off this mortal coil?

I'd try to keep Frosty alive for as long as I could with Sarah Q's glacially chilly Ivoux track, but once I realized that resisting death is futile, I'd play Kevin's "Ain't No Chimneys In the Projects" for Frosty, checking both of our privilege in one fell swoop. At least we had a magical Christmas adventure and a dog didn't pee on him, as far as I know...

KEVIN LARKIN-ANGIOLI
Hudson Valley Region of New York | Twitter, Instagram

01. Which song did you play for the group that represented all the misplaced joy and dashed hopes of the holiday season?

I played "Ain't No Chimneys in the Projects" by the late great Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings from their album It's a Holiday Soul Party!

02. Describe your song in one sad sentence.

White privilege Christmas and its most enduring mythological figure overlook the basic facts of your physical existence and by the time you realize the magic was in your parents' love, sacrifice, and dedication, they may be gone, just like your childhood and naivete.

03. The second round had a lot more holiday cheer, though still there was a tangible feeling of loneliness and isolation. Tell us about your second pick.

"Eggnog Singalong" is just a dumb, snotty, fun song by a band that I love, Better Than Ezra, who can be deep and arty and beautiful but often choose to be dumb, snotty, and fun. Which is just what the doctor ordered sometimes. I had it on an official cassette release in the nineties and would think of it every year around Christmas, but I haven't owned that tape or had any copy of the song in decades. Someone put it up on YouTube last year and bless their soul. It's kind of embarrassing with its mock English accent and lexicon. Eggnog is gross. (This song was also not available on Spotify. Please enjoy here.)

04. Frosty the snowman, your magical holiday pal, is now melting into a giant puddle before your very eyes. His death throes fill the night sky and bring a profound sense of loss to your heart. What does it all mean? You stare into his cold, coal eyes and he sees right through you, bitter and jealous of your existence as he gasps his last breaths. But, being a good friend, you know you have to try to comfort him in his time of death. What song from the group's picks do you play for Frosty as he shuffles off this mortal coil?

"But the snow must turn to slush and then to water, then to steam. Impermanence is certain, happy endings just a dream." I'd play this delicious kiss-off of a song, "A Ghost Story for Christmas," which was a revelation for me, as I ready to wrap my arms around the absence where my frosty friend once smoked his corncob pipe.

Editor's Note: The keen observer may be wondering what happened to SNMC #49 & 50. We're a little behind on getting them posted. We wanted to make sure this one got up in time for Christmas. Stay tuned for the other features!

Here's the playlist!

If you're a vinyl enthusiast, check out our feature on the Spin Clean Vinyl Record Cleaning Machine (click image below).

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